I AM STRAIGHT BUT I SUCK DICK, TOO

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I'm trekking through a sidewalk full of ice flowers in the light of streetlights Under my high heels the frozen raindrops shriek sharply The metal handle of the heavy gate almost hurts my hand as I hold it Behind the solid glass is still half a light The warmth of my skin begins to regain its elasticity The aula is quiet and I see only one figure between the middle tables As he glanced up the icicles fell from my frozen heart The smiling black eyes only look at me I'm heading towards it now My cold-frozen fingers feel nervously the nylon cover of the old notebook I've been sneaking up on him Black turtlenecks and black pants Boots with long legs It seems unusual at first but on closer inspection it's more attention-seeking and fashionable than disturbing I really like it
- Hi - hi Am I disturbing you? - I'm smiling at her
- Hi - hi - he's laughing at me - No I'm not
- Do you mind if I sit down? - I'll ask and I'll take a seat right next to him
He doesn't say a word he just looks at me I'm embarrassed by your eyes
- I brought something I want to show you I know you will appreciate what I have to say and I will hurriedly hand over the Spiral book that has been resting under my palm
- What is this? "he looks at it astonished then opens it and at the sight of the first page the half-smile that melts the icebergs appears in the corner of his lips"
- This notebook belonged to my mother In the ' 70s he collected pictures articles about Zoltán Latinovits and Eva Ruttkai He was a great admirer of both of you
- So am I - mumble about the pages of the notebook
- My mother wanted to be an actress In the first half of the seventies in the basement club of Watertown he started his career with amateur actors such as Zoltán Verebes Zolán Mifó Ágnes Balaton István Kovács or László Kondor
 Did your mom start out with the pants? - he's looking up at last
You're looking nice but I can't answer right away
- Yeah - yeah - I'm gonna say something
 If I mentioned it to him would he remember your mother? - he's interested
- I couldn't say It's possible
- How about I ask him? - touch my arm
- I'd like that I wonder if he remembers what he says about her If I can only have memories with me I want new memories
- What do you mean? - he blinks at me when he's shocked
- Mom's dead I've been whispering for 12 years
His face is suddenly sad The sparkle of his eyes changes
- Are you serious? I'm sorry this one I didn't know that - stammers
- You couldn't have known - I'm smiling at him
- Yeah you're so young so is he
- Was he young? Yes he died when he was 49
- That's terrible - sigh
- He was sick
- What about you? How old were you then?
- Twenty-three
- You poor thing - he's humming it and holding my shoulder
I shudder at the warmth of his touch His palm rests on my shoulder Turn the page with one hand and then when it's finished and you fold the cover onto the last page I take your hand and I flip back
- Hold on here's the thing - I'm going to hide a little bit closer to him I'll add - Look at that
- What's in this envelope? - he's asking excited
- Two letters One was written by Éva Ruttkai and the other by Zoltán Latinovits
- You gotta be kidding me - laugh it up
- No I'm not I'm trying to convince him
He's slowly slipping his hand off my shoulder but our arms above the table are still touching I see you pull the two leaves out of the already worn envelope with trembling fingers He reads the lines astonishingly and then when he puts them back on the back of the notebook he looks at me
- You really surprised me this time These are real treasures take care of them "very" He whispers
- I know I know - I'll answer him but I can't go on
His hand goes under my thigh and settles down there I look around in fear I just realized the aula is full of people
- Come on he stands up suddenly and holds my hand
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